I write to you for the last and first time in this new blog – as a way to close out 2014 and welcome the new year with a bang (of words all strewed up in slurry sentences, anyway,) – I deem this only fitting as I had written so much about you in my previous blog – of how I fell frantically in love with your bones and your words, with the way your lashes cast a soft shadow on the hollow of your eyes, the stubble on your cheeks, the way your fingers pressed against my skin; all that and maybe even more, of my love and misadventure with you, perhaps, and the many things we need not reiterate – not in this public space, anyway.
But I write this still to you, as it seems I can only tell stories well when you’re on the other side of the conversation.
2014 was a wonderful year and I cannot thank God enough for the people and experiences that comprise it; to the many quests I undertook that made me grow, urged my heart to humble, my mind to explore, my body to extend its limits and my soul to nibble and feed until I was filled and overflowed. I had gone through pretty odd, amazing, times, but 2014 takes the cake for the best so far – also the most complete when it comes to love (and, as I need not mention, you were a big part of) and I am thrilled to be living surrounded by it.
I had imagined for love to be more magical and exasperating; the kind that grabs you by the breath and lifts your toes to elevate from the ground up – I didn’t realize until the last couple of months that aside from all that wonder, love was also quite a tiresome verb that needed constant practice and, surprisingly, conscious effort, to retain. I am humbled by this fact, and even more grateful, to be able to practice it.
So here I am now, typing away like a mad girl on the loose against my plastic-metal confidant to wish you a fantastic new year filled with joy and all the bountiful, intangible things life has to offer. I love you and I do not wish for you to love me back, only that you love – a little more, or entirely, and let your hope be alive and live on as a new year flourishes as each day goes by. 2014 taught me how to be fearless and I pray you just the same.
I won’t be writing much about love as I will be about the world and all its wonders – from my travels, poetry and explorations, from people I have loved and who have loved me back, from adventures and random journeys, experiences and new lessons – some kind of a curated chaos of all my filtered musings. I hope it urges you to do the same, to bookkeep your life in a hopeful attempt to keep yourself, and even other strangers, inspired; for what would this world be if not for wonderful tracks left by other amazing beings, human and beyond it, for us to try and tread?
It’s true that we need not a new year to change our path – any moment in our lives when we decide to take on a challenge of change, we can. But there’s just something about a new chapter, writing it consciously for some, and blindly scribbling through it for others, that excites me. A room for growth and change, urged by time and an inevitably moving environment; it’s an incredible time to be alive and I pray that this year we do just that – live.
May every corner of your life be filled with love and joy, and may it overflow. Good bye for now.